NOIR. By HawlendRion.

The Roomate Agreement

Skynet clause: Specifies what happens if one friend needs help to destroy an artificial intelligence he’s created and that’s taking over Earth.

Body Snatchers clause: Specifies what happens if one friend needs help to destroy someone they know who’s been replaced with an alien pod.

Godzilla clause: Specifies what happens if someone threatens to destroy Tokyo.

Over-night guests notification clause: There has to be a 24-hour notice if a non-related female will stay over night.

Section 8: “Visitors”, subsection C: “Females”, paragraph 4: “Coitus”: Roommates shall give each other 12 hours notice of impending coitus.

Section 9: “Misc”:

The apartment’s flag is a gold lion rampant on a field of azure and should never fly upside down—unless the apartment’s in distress.

If one of the roommates ever invents time travel, the first stop has to aim exactly five seconds after this clause of the Roommate Agreement was signed.

If one friend gets super powers he will name the other one as his sidekick.

If one friend is bitten by a Zombie the other can kill him (except Sheldon).

If one friend gets invited to go swimming at Bill Gate’s house he will take the other friend to accompany him.

Sheldon asks at least once a day how Leonard is even if he doesn’t care.

Sheldon no longer stages spontaneous biohazard drills after 10 p.m.

Sheldon abandons his goal to master Tuvan throat singing.

Cohabitation Rider: Gets activated when Leonard starts “living with” a girlfriend in the apartment.

A girlfriend shall be deemed “living with” Leonard when she has stayed over for:
A: ten consecutive nights or
B: for more than nine nights in a three-week period or
C: all the weekends of a given month plus three weeknights

Upon implementation the clause activates the following provisions:

A change in the distribution of shelves in the fridge. Instead of Leonard and Sheldon having two separate shelves and one communal shelf, the three parties will then have one individual shelf each and the door becomes communal.

Apartment vacuuming shall be increased from two to three times a week to accommodate the increased accumulation of dead skin cells.

A change in the bathroom schedule.

The girlfriend also has to sign that she does not now nor does she intend to play percussive or brass instruments.

(Artwork by HawlendRion)